THE BARRACK STREET BANNED

1. 24 large bottles of Phoenix Ale
2. 3 drops o de cratur (note: 3 bottles of John Power whiskey will do if cratur not available)
3. a thimble or two of red lemonade
4. one packet of Tayto crisps
5. One Malachy Skelly (turf accountant) betting slip
6. One smelly goat's willy

Instructions
1. Discard the smelly goat's willy - you won't be needing that.
2. consume a large bottle of Phoenix.
3. open bag of crisps.
4. spend ten minutes getting crisp detritus out of gaps in teeth
5. consume a liberal portion of Power's whiskey and a smidgen of red in a Tipperary Crystal pewter glass (all your Kilbarrack stuff having been broken in previous attempts at this recipe)
6. consume a large bottle of Phoenix, pour some Power's whiskey into the pint glass when three quarters empty and Tipperary glass has been smashed.
8. repeat step 6 until there is a stirring in the loins for the 187 year old barmaid.
9. Just to be sure, consume one more large bottle of Phoenix and one fifth of a gill of Powers
10. If still in doubt, consume a fifth of a large bottle of Phoenix and a gill of Powers
11. Take a piss and ponder why there was no step 7.
12. If near closing time, ask barman for 4 more large bottles of Phoenix
13. If not near closing time ask barman for 4 more large bottles of Phoenix
14. Ask barman for directions to Phoenix, Arizona
15. consume large bottle of Power and one fifth of a gill of Phoenix
16. Desperately search bar area for missing Goats willy
17. Run to nearest outdoor area (or stay where you are) and puke up the Phoenix
18. Blame the vomit on the red lemonade and rise from the ashes.